Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize