Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
