New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
