Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
do nipples grow back?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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