i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
