Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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