Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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