Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
