She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
