don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
