ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
