You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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