I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
