Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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