so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
