She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
