Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
