I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
