I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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