I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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