just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
