The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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