How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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