I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
