just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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