I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
