Your mouth is God's brothel.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
