Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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