Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
