im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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