I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This is the high leading the old right now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
