Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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