I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
