I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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