Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
