I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
