Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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