Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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