sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
