i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
