ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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