Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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