Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
