Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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