Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
