8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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