There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
