its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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