Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
