One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize