You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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