I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
time to smoke my breakfast
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
