I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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