found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
