i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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