If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
