Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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