sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
