Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
