I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
