My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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