see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm passing your future prison.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pooping to opera.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
