Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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