I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
