This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
