I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
