Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
