we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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