thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
