I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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