My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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