So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
