so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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