I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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