My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
