He disabled his match.com account in front of me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
