So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
