I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
