I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
