What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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