i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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