Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
