if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
