So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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