well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
