I'm going to jail i love you
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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