Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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