Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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