I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
