I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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