Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
