I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
