Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
