I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
