Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
