I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize