Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
