dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
