hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
