toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
